(Biography by Ashlee featuring commentary from Kristy herself...)
Kristy was born on a day, in a month, in the year of 1984. She was born to a man named Gary who hates cops with a passion and a woman named Daisy who used to work in a skateboard shop. Daisy was later fired because she let one too many people take a board out to test it, only to have them run off and steal it.
Kristy had an eventful childhood, and developed a nasty habit for spitting in the faces of her family members. (They deserved it.) She almost caused her parents to divorce on several occasions by nearly convincing her Mother that her Father had been cheating on her in the bathroom of the local Laundromat. (They deserved it too.) Her Mother quickly discovered that Kristy was just mad at her Father for not buying her a toy.
Kristy had a long string of pets who she either killed, on "accident", or who killed themselves. Most notably a duck she drowned on accident and a bird who was suicidal and flew into a ceiling fan.
Kristy earned her first detention at an early age, being put into the corner for an entire day at the Pre-School for insisting, over and over, that "bad little angels go to hell." (Did you know the pre-school forced me to eat prunes? Sick bastards...)
She grew up (I've been told that's debatable...), as children do and she gained an unusual interest in Moby, which no one could understand because he sucks. (Moby rocks!)
She graduated High School, and somehow ended up as a college dropout dating a furry from another state, you know the
Unsure of what she wanted to do with her life Kristy sent off for some information about jobs such as electrician, bridal consultant, flower shop worker and quite a few others. But one day while at the doctor with her Mother she saw and ambulance, and a rainbow shined over it as an angelic voice started to sing and she knew that was the job for her. She enrolled in EMT class, and graduated.
She worked as an EMT for 3 months before she quit, then she became a security guard for a few months. Then she decided to try her hand at EMT work for a while (again), and she did...for 3 months, before getting laid off. She got a job with another ambulance company....for 3 months, and then switch back to the ambulance company who laid her off. She quit that job 3 months later, and switched to another ambulance company for another 3 months, then she decided that she wanted to work for the snow patrol at the local ski resort.
Unfortunately she didn't know how to ski (skiing is for losers!), so she ended up being hired on as a ski lift operator, which she did...for a week. Then she quit and worked at an Ice Cream parlor for three whole weeks, which in Kristy job time is 3 years. She was then a janitor for a month before quitting that job to work at a homeless shelter for a month.
Part of that job was having to prepare meals for the homeless, which she did -- much to their dismay, because the homeless people ended up throwing her food in the trash! Then she quit there and went back to the ambulance for an entire two years, I know...you probably don't believe me, right? But it's true. (It really is true!) But enough about that, I've lost count. (I've changed jobs exactly 12 times...14 if you count the time I was a waitress for a day and the fact that I used to sell Avon on the side.)
Kristy is a lover of art, music and anything having to do with astronauts. She lives with her puppy, a Rat Terrier named Peaches, who she loves very much. Her family is quite unusual, and her Mom is thisclose to being a hoarder.
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| Kristy (being more awesome than you!) |
